Confused

by Ana
(Malaysia)

I'm a Ana,21 years old...I was searching for inspirational stories on the net coz right now,I am really depressed with all the problems that I am facing.I am supporting my family financially so I need to work hard,I am an English tutor.I haven't finished studying yet and will pursue studying this coming enrollment.

As what I've said above,I am very stressed out ad depressed coz of the following problems:

1.I am tired and annoyed with my older brothers and sister coz they are very irresponsible.My sister has her own family but still living with mom together with her husband (who has no job at the moment so I need to support them including Rachelle,their daughter)I am happy to support my family but I really feel tired coz of working. I started working since I was 16,and started working as an english tutor when I was 19.As a 21-year-old girl,I really find it hard to take over such responsibility which should have been my parent's.My mom and dad separated 2 years ago and dad stopped supporting us since I left my hometown.Dad has no permanent job and he has his new girlfriend right now at the age of 56.My younger brother is currectly studying as a third-year-high school student and my youngest brother will study next year and I am supporting their studies too.I have 2 older brothers,the oldest one is at home too living with my mom,he has work but doesn't give a penny to mom,next to him is another older brother of mine who has no work too,not living with mom but he is not helping mom either.This is my major problem coz what if one day I will just give up on my "responsibilities" to them? What will happen to them?


2.I made a mistake of accepting money from a friend's bf as a help coz he treats me as his daughter and my friend sees me as an enemy now,I understand how she felt but please let me explain why I took the money.I BADLY needed money during that time coz my brother was with me and we had nowhere to go so I asked for help and my friend's bf gave a little help.When my friend realized that her bf had sent me such amount of money,she wanted me to pay her but her bf told me not to.I really wanna pay her but I don't have enough money right now.So I am depressed and frustrated coz I will move to another place next week and I only have enough money to pay for the new house and my budget until my next payday.

I have written 2 major problems of mine aside from my low self-esteem.I wanna give time to my lovelife at the moment and I find it hard coz of the responsibilities and problems that I have.I love my boyfriend and I don't wanna give him up but I really feel down today and one of the ways that I know to feel better is writing what is bothering me right now.

I know it is a site where people's spirit will be lift up and for them to be motivated but I just wrote something in here so I can express myself.

I also need advices coz of my problems,so if you have time,please give me words of wisdom and encouragement to go on life though its hard.I am a strong woman but I somtimes feel like giving up.I know I won't give up that easily too that's why I shared a story to let it out and to lessen the heavy feelings inside my heart and mind.


Thank you and I am so sorry that this story isn't a good one.

God bless you!

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Apr 07, 2011
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by: Emily

To be honest, I'd say cut them off. without your help they will still have to find there feet, they cant just live with nothing, so they'll have to get jobs and support themselves.

Leena gave some great advice so I hope you take it :)
Jan 27, 2010
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starstarstarstarstar 		Hi, Ana!
by: Leena

Even a negative-looking situation can develop into a positive, inspiring life story.
But ok, here?s what I think. Now I am not any professional advice-giver, so take what I say with a pinch of salt. You listen to your own heart. But this is what I would say to a friend in a similar situation:
It seems to me you are surrounded by people who don?t appreciate your efforts. Adults who should lend a helping hand but find it easier to let you do all the work.
There are times when our help should be given. But then there are also people who very much would like to let others do everything for them and keep on living their teenage-lives even as adults.
You should have a serious talk with the adults of the household and say you cannot support everyone. Ask your brother in front of everyone, why doesn?t the support the family even though he has a job and is given free lodging at home. Just ask why, don?t explain for him. Ask and be quiet so he has to fill in the silence and answer. If he starts talking of other things, say ?You did not answer my question.?
Someone should be ?the man of the house? (I?m not much of a believer in traditional gender roles, but in certain cultures this is an important thing to a man and stating it to his face might be effective). It seems you are ?wearing the pants? in the family now.
And to be blunt here: you need to start thinking of your own life. There comes a time when you need to draw the line and state what you are willing to do and what not. They won?t like it ? you are taking them out of their comfort zone. But if they are stealing your life from you, I think you know what you should do.
Say you won?t be supporting them anymore because your money goes to paying rent and buying food. That as adults they are responsible for their own lives. I understand your wish to help the under aged, and your mother, but don?t fall into the age-old trap of the ever-helping-daughter who finds herself living as the servant of the rest of the family.
Write your goal down in steps. Handle one thing at a time and be prepared to face opposition. Again, rehearse your answers.
And when it comes to paying back the loan you took: you pay it back to the person you loaned it from. Other options may lead you in trouble.
It might be once you have moved out of the household and are not ?there? for them constantly, the situation might start solving itself. Distance helps.
Remember you don?t need to be reachable all the time. Your home is your home and you decide who comes there and when. Choose when you answer your phone. If they ask for money ? well I am sure the society has ways of helping them too. It is not 100% your responsibility, even though you may wish to keep on helping them on a smaller scale compared to the current situation.
Do not let yourself be used. Help because you want to. Love yourself enough to make a plan for your independent life ? and start following it.
I would love to hear how you succeeded.
Hugs,
Leena



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