Finding Happiness Through Self-Talk

Finding happiness is basically what we all strive for. Everything we do is for the reason we think doing it makes us happier.  We read books on how to be happy, we recite affirmations, and we even eat pills that hopefully would make us happy. (Nothing wrong with that if you are depressed and they are prescribed to you by your doctor, but you should be wary of munching them for the rest of your life...)

When I was thinking about finding happiness in life, I read an interesting article about self talk towards other people. It said that we should listen to our own words because basically what we say about others is a reflection about what we think about ourselves.

Sounds odd? Well, it isn't. In psychology there is this concept called "mirroring". Simply put it means that we criticize in other people those things that we cannot accept in ourselves. 

When you think about the negative words you use when you think about other people, pay attention what you say and what kind of an emotional response your words cause in your own mind. 

If you speak negatively about everything, if you judge and are envious - well, you aren't exactly on your way to finding happiness. You cannot be happy if the majority of your thoughts are negative. 

So try this: when ever you notice you are judging someone or something, or being pessimistic, try to rephrase what you just said into a positive statement. You might even write down your words for tweaking. 

If you find it too hard to find positive words about something you really hate (and in that state of mind you probably even couldn't do the tweaking), try this:

"I don't need to have an opinion about this."

Try it. 

How did you feel? When I used it for the first time my reaction was relief. Strong relief. It stopped the automatic judgement I was about to give. I really did not need to have an opinion.

You might even imagine you are talking about yourself when you judge others. What if that person was you? What would our attitude be then? Could you see how the other person did what they did to pursue their own happiness?

Also no one is purely negative. There is good in all of us. 

Finding Happiness in Self Talk

When you notice you are silently explaining things for the worst in your mind, good.

Good? Well, most of us don't even notice what we are mumbling in our mind. If you notice your negative words, you have taken the first step.

What then?

Question the "truth" you are announcing to yourself. 

Ask yourself how a positive person would rephrase your sentence.  How would they find that famous silver lining in the situation? You probably know a very positive person. What would they say?

You may find that your attitude towards such a positive person is even mocking. Especially so if you are used to being pessimistic (or "realistic" as some people call it).

Never mind that. Just think about the words. Could they be true?

Taste the words. Think the situation you are thinking negatively about, and then use the positive words you just imagined.

Do you feel any relief? Even a little? No? Then maybe you are trying too long a jump from pessimistic world view to the Pollyanna-ish positive thinking.

So dilute it a bit. Turn the words over in your mind until you find one little aspect that is positive and you can agree on. Concentrate on that. Just enough to recognize there is a positive aspect, however tiny. And then move on. 

Do the exercise a few times per day. You don't need to be a thought-police. Little by little your mind begins to pay attention to your negative self talk and reminds you of the exercise. 

Or you might take a little time to work on one negative thought you had that day. Write it down and work on it on paper / computer to turn it into more positive. Sometimes seeing our thoughts written down makes us see them much more clearly.

Steering your thinking to a new direction takes time, it is something you need to keep doing until it becomes a habit. 

So when you feel drawn into judging some mundane thing, say to yourself:

"I don't need to have an opinion about this".

When you find yourself judging yourself, think:

"Well, I'm not all that bad, after all."

If you do something and the end result isn't perfect, say:

"Well, I tried. Next time I know how to do this better."

Often people who talk negatively about themselves to themselves are perfectionists. They want to achieve everything, to be perfect. And none of us can do that. If you demand perfection from yourself, you won't be finding happiness in your life. How could you, if you are judging yourself?

Forgive yourself, accept that it is human not to be perfect. And keep tweaking your thoughts into a more positive direction.

Life will certainly feel better that way.

Happy Tips for July

1. What's wonderful about being under the sun? Being under the sun!

2. Indulge yourself by being generous - help someone out,
perform an act of kindness, offer a compliment.
The person who will feel most uplifted by you
having done so is - you.

-Paul Wilson

3. Don't walk in front of me,
I may not follow;
don't walk behind me,
I may not lead;
walk beside me,
and just be my friend.

-Albert Camus

4. Nobody made a greater mistake than he
who did nothing because he could only do a little.

5. Problems cannot be solved by thinking
within the framework in which they were created.

-Albert Einstein

6. Five frogs are sitting on a log.
Four decide to jump off. How many are left?

There are still five - because there's a difference
between deciding and doing.

7. Truly great friends are hard to find,
difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.

-G. Randolf

8. Who is blind? He who can see no other world.
Who is dumb? He who can say nothing pleasant about his lot.
Who is poor? He who is troubled with too many desires.
Who is rich? He who is happy with his lot.

-Indian Proverb

9. Look to be treated by others as you have treated others.

-Publius Syrus

10. If we do not plant knowledge when young,
it will give us no shade when we are old.

-Lord Chesterfield

11. In the hopes of reaching the moon men fail to see
the flowers that blossom at their feet.

-Albert Schweitzer

12. You only have to do a very few things right in your life
so long as you don't do too many things wrong.

-Warren Buffett

13. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying
to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

14. It's to-day that I am livin',
Not a month ago,
Havin', losin', takin', givin',
As time wills it so.
Yesterday a cloud of sorrow
Fell across the way;
It may rain again to-morrow,
It may rain--but, say,
Ain't it fine to-day!

-Douglas Malloch

15. The difference between a helping hand and
an outstretched palm is a twist of the wrist.

-Laurence Leamer

16. It takes twenty years to become an overnight success.

17. Promise results, not promises.

18. If it works, tear it apart and find out why!

19. To succeed you have to believe in something
with such a passion that it becomes a reality.

-Anita Roddick

20. Speaking comes by nature, silence by understanding.

-German Proverb

21. At the end of the game,
the king and the pawn
go back in the same box.

-Italian proverb

22. To get what you want, STOP doing what isn’t working.

-Dennis Weaver

23. It is extraordinary how extraordinary the ordinary person is.

-George F. Will

24. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are, while your
reputation is merely what others think you are.

-John R. Wooden

25. The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom.

-Henry Ward Beecher

26. Know early what you have to learn later.

27. The most difficult thing in the world is to know
how to do a thing and to watch someone else
do it wrong, without comment.

-E.B.White

28. The easiest way to have your way
is to go out and make it.

29. Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even
to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.

-Swami Sivananda

30. Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow.

-Robert Kiyosaki

31. When the pain of what we are going through
becomes greater than the fear of change we change.

–Garrison Wynn



Click to sign up and receive Leena Maria's new books for free!


Back to Homepage from Finding Happiness

Back to Happy Year from Finding Happiness

Alliance of Independent Authors /

Tutankhamon in My Own Hieroglyphs

An illustrated children's book about the life and death of Tutankhamun. This book was chosen for the "King Tut - Treasures of the Golden Pharaoh" tour that travels the world (10 cities) starting in March 2018 (For the first 10 months the exhibition will be in Los Angeles)

Preview Nephlim Quest books online

SPACE WITCHES
BOOK 1 

CLICK HERE OR ON THE BOOK COVER, TO ORDER THE BOOK ON AMAZON.

This is the book I originally wrote as my NaNoWriMo project in November 2016, A mixture of witches, spells, ancient Egypt and afterlife – with a dystopian sprinkle.

Mr Mummific
How I Became a Mummy

Always wondered how mummification ws done? Wonder no more - Mr Mummific reaveals the whole process in this book.

Mr Mummific: Mummies, Monsters and the Ship of Millions 

Leena Maria's Author Blog

Subscribe to Leena Maria by Email