peter and jacquie golburgh

by jacqueline golburgh
(homestead fla.)

Title.. Midlife Crisis..... So your 40 now and what have you done?...What's been doing half of your life? A little girl frail, frghtened, feminine and intuitive.......So much to give. I'm last in line, the youngest of two, the smallest of four.....Dance to be seen, sing to be heard, joke to be noticed....Cry to be understood..Try to be understood.......From the earliest years confusion appears. Mother is dating, where is my dad?......Will you be my dad?....Grandpa is in an oxygen tent, I wait at his door...I watch and I wonder, what's it all for........What's the intent?.....I'm so small!....Stepdad is late-------again-------us three at the window we wait. ....He went for a paper, should we call the police?... He's missing, no peace....And mother is working away and at home....She's harried, not happy......Sister is pretty all pink with dark hair....She's smart snd she's strong, I'm lucky she's there...Where?.........Mama's screamimg now, something about how God took grandpa away?......Why?....She said he was sick.....she lied to a little girl! Left with no chance to say goodbye. Goodbye to the only man in her life, the one with her blood. I loved him so much........But sister he favored and that never wavered.......Get ready for school.....I'm tired, it's cold... I'm thin, my teeth are chattering, my courage is shattering. I want to go home.......In my world in my room, I imagined my dolls were all people, with arms to be mended. Those that were broken I loved the best. They were needy and I was there to care...Kind, with a devilish streak, I liked their hair and use it I did.... I combed it and set it. I colored it with melted crayons, in burnt sienna....They were my friends......I loved glamour , boys and babies.... the boys sang for my sister, they got me....I wanted out----out of the house with the turmoil and trouble.....My mother is crippled, she's flat on her back- an accident! We were late- my fault they said. Always late---I didn't want to go....I was tired and lost........A wonderful boy came to call. He loved me. He said at 18, I'll marry you and take you away to a land of beauty , riches, love and sex. I cried for him and we were wed. I lived for him. The babies came, so beautiful......My life was filled with their sweetness... But I wanted more. Something inside me had to come out, more of me like branches on a tree.,,,..Life happened and I tried many things....Tried to be, to be.......Mother could be everything ( or so it seemed) ........That boy's running off and he's into his dreams. We're splitting at the seams...I'm trying so hard, the children growing, the house cluttered, it's falling apart...And my heart how it hurts..I can't fix it....I'm trying...I'm dieing........It all went wrong- out of control. He's gone, I'm alone... who am I?...Nobodys wife or lover or life....GOD.......I'm so hurt... rejection and pain.......... God? .....I can use all the heart you've got. And then: (he came home) and there was much work to be done.......jacqueline golburgh

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May 06, 2010
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it worked out
by: jacquie golburgh

We have been married for 47 years. We are both much wiser now!! So, never give up. You may already have what you want..

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