The Power of Negativity

What does the power of negativity have to do with happiness?

Lots. And I am not talking here how negativity is basically something good. In a way it can be, if your negative emotion shows you what you don’t like so you can start steering towards what you do like. (And you have to be the one to recognize the situation and want to change it and then take active steps.)

 

But no. I am talking about negative friends here. Or should I say “friends”. I call them energy thieves.

 

Life happens and unpleasant things come to our path without us wanting it. That is simply life. Those are the moments of self-reflection, a time to stop and rethink where you are going with your life. If you do it well, the events you first thought were negative, may reveal themselves as gifts in disguise that steer your life to a much better direction.

 

The power of negativity I am talking about here, however, is most likely not a grand big event. No, the power of negativity I refer to is like Chinese water torture. It comes from outside of you, and you cannot ignore it.

 

Think about the people around you. Do you see people who are constantly complaining? About their life, pointing out what has gone wrong in your life as well? People who poison the coffee breaks with their comments, people who hint (or talk blatantly straight) about how life is not good? Who try to find hidden negative things in events your thought were positive? People who get irritated if you try to talk about positive things in your life?


There's power of negativity for you - people who seem to spread a cloud of negativity where ever they go.

Do you feel deep down that these are actually envious of your happiness, and try to dampen your joy and pull you down to their whiny level?

 

Well, you are right. They are doing just that. These kind of people consider themselves as victims. They feel “others” cause them misery. Bosses, coworkers, politician – heck, life itself! They are in love with their own negative viewpoint and sit squarely in the middle of a hole they have dug themselves.


They do not like to be reminded that they themselves are responsible for the way they react to life. It is easier to blame others. So a positive person who trusts life, and actively makes it better, is a painful thorn on their side.

 

We all know misery loves company. If a negative person meets a positive person, they think the positive ones are unrealistic, have their head in the clouds.


The people using the power of negativity  have the “just you wait and see”-attitude, waiting to see how misfortune is bound to strike the happy person. If it does (and at some point certainly a stressful situation will happen in even the most positive person’s life), they are the first to spread the news of the misfortune. They may talk as if they sympathize with the unlucky one’s situation, but truth to be told you can feel that they are almost happy and excited about the whole thing.

 

A negative person wants that positive person to see the err of their ways, to become realistic (they do see negativity and realism as the same thing), and join the misery camp at the bottom of the negativity pit they rule.  

 

These people have real power of negativity over you unless you realize what they are doing. Their power of negativity makes you feel bad, make you lose your footing when you try to concentrate in seeing good things in life.  They see the power their own behavior has over others, and are actually rather addicted to it. They can be very subtle about making your life negative as well, and over time turn your mind to negativity, as then they will feel comfortable around you. Unless you take your stand.

 


How to fight this power of negativity?


Well, if you notice that someone makes you constantly feel drained and tired and down when you have talked with them, you know you have met an energy thief. They drain you of your power and ability to see good things around you.


The easiest way to stop this from happening is simply  to avoid them. Leave the room. End the phone call. Don’t rush to answer their emails or SMS-messages. Respect your own mental space.

 

Sometimes it is not possible to leave the presence of a negative person, so do something that rocks them off their balance. When they start complaining about things, no matter what it is, ask them straight: “Has anything good happened to you lately?”


Someone I know uses this often and tells the expressions of the complainers’ faces are priceless. They may try to say that you were not listening how hard their life is. Then only answer “There seems to be so much negativity in your life I thought you might want to talk about positive stuff instead for a while.”

 

And the good point is that if you keep doing this, the energy thief will eventually start avoiding your company. s/he is not longer living in an echo chamber of like-minded people, feels unease and leaves. Mission accomplished.

 

If someone aggressively confronts you, and verbally attacks you by saying they don’t think very highly of you because you don’t join in on their negativity, you can smile sweetly and say “Well, it really isn’t any of my business what you think of me, is it?”.  Just be prepared that this sentence might make the negative person turn on their heels and march away right there and then. But if it is an aggressive-negative person you are confronting, that might be the very thing you want.

 

Life is too short to spend on other people’s negative bubbles. Burst that bubble and start doing things that make you feel good. If those things don’t please your negative “friends”, so be it. You live your life for yourself, not for them.  Try to make it as joyful as you can and don't allow anyone to use their power of negativity over you. Shower them with your positive power instead.


Your life is your cake to bake. Make it as delicious as you can!

Happy Tips for May

1. I am not a human being. I am a human becoming.

You create yourself anew every day. What you were created the you you are today. What you do today creates the you you are tomorrow.

2. Milton Berle: If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

Don't just sit and wait miracles to happen. Tell the universe what you want by taking baby steps towards your goal. You'll be amazed at the "coincidences" that begin to appear, helping you.

3. Ability = what you are capable of,

motivation = determines what you do,

attitude = determines how well you do it

4. Success is a journey, not a destination.

The real fun is in getting there.

5. Einstein: Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

6. An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind (Mahatma Gandhi)If only the warring parties of the world would understand this. Their power of negativity is horrible.

7. Those who have one foot in the canoe and one foot in the boat are going to fall in the river. (Native American saying)

Preparing is good, over-preparing may stop you from ever taking action.

8. Enthusiasm turns ideas into reality - and it is closely linked with happiness.

So true - enthusiasm gives you a feeling of purpose, and that is closely connected to happiness.

9. Plant that apple tree.

Do things that don't give you instant benefit. Do it for the future generations.

10. No one is useless in the world who lightens the burdens of another. (Dickens)

Don't you also remember best those people who had a kind heart and who helped you see the path when you thought you were in deep darkness?

11. Samuel Beckett: Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

Love it... Fail better... Like Edison. You could say he failed a thousand times in his efforts to create a light bulb. Or you could say he found a thousand ways how not to do it. He never gave in to the power of negativity!

12. Some folks have three kinds of trouble: the ones they had. The ones they have. And the ones they expect to have. (HG Wells)

Yep... The power of negativity. Or power of positive thinking. Your choice - do you want to live a troubled life or enjoy the good things?

13. Live a life as a monument to your soul (Ayn Rand)

Such wisdom...

14. I'm neither especially clever nor especially gifted. I am only very, very curious. (Einstein)

You don't need to be a born genius to achieve great things. Let curiosity lead you forward.

15. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

- Dale Carnegie  

There is hope. It just might be something else than you expected it to be.

16. If you keep on doing what you've been doing, you keep on getting what you've been getting.

Things don't change unless you are willing to change.

17. If you feel you are walking in shadows, remember there could not be any shadows without a source of light.

And darkness will always lose to the tiniest speck of light.

18. Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever - Mahatma Gandhi

A curious mind, always ready to learn new things, is a wonder. Never think you are too old to learn!

19. The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you.

Words of wisdom, if any. If you try to get even with people who had wronged you (in your opinion), you lock yourself in a world of hatred.

20. If you have an idea, don't try to polish it until it is finished and ready. It will never be. Just put it to use and polish it while you go.

You can never really prepare everything to the finest detail. Life surprises you. Let it. Do an overall plan and start following it, tweaking when necessary.

21. The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it (Michelangelo)

And then we regret the things we didn't do when we are old...

22. We stand on the shoulders of those who preceded us.

Give thanks to those who paved your way. Be it your parents, your teachers, a writer, a philosopher. You did not reach your achievement on your own.

23. What really matters is what happens in us, not to us.

24. Storms make oaks take deeper root (George Herbert)

Difficulties may make you the stronger person.

25. We are angels with only one wing. We can only fly embracing each other. (Luciano De Crescenzo)

No one is an island...

26. It doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.

It can be learned - being an optimist. It doesn't mean you are unrealistic, but it does teach you to search for opportunities.

27. Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant (R.L.Stevenson)

Again - do things that benefit the ones yet to come.

28. Only those who do nothing make no mistakes.

And even they make a mistake, and a huge one: not living their life to the fullest.

29. There are few misfortunes in this world that you cannot turn into a personal triumph if you have the iron will and the necessary skill. - Nelson Mandela

And he was a living example of this...

30. A ship is safe in harbor, but that is not what ships are for. (WIlliam Shedd)

It is ok to search for security, but avoiding all the risks makes your life dull.

31. Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out. (James Conant)


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