by Shelly Elliott
This is a story I have to release to get it out of my veins. From here on out the story running through my veins is about LOVE.
I call this a Mind the Gap.
He said he once called her gorgeous. She wondered where that fairytale went.
She knew nothing of her beauty, though never ceased to create everything she could to prove otherwise.
A broken baby's arm, a story fabricated in history.
His stories were threaded with deceit to disguise rage.
A father he wasn't. A bully he was. She didn't know the difference.
His hands hurt delicate skin.
His words wounded a fragile heart.
Leaving her under constant reconstruction.
Time did double duty to heal what no one saw.
A life run on adrenaline instead of blood.
Tirelessly the war waged on.
Her voice tamed by threats.
What terrified her most was the way he manipulated her love and retracted his so easily.
Silenced no more by the confinement of age she uttered bit by bigger bit where she'd been, what she'd seen, and who she was.
"She just wants attention," they said.
"Couldn't really be that bad," they said.
"Oh what do they know," she said.
"I just want the freedom to speak," she said.
"I just want these scars to have meaning," she said.
"I just want to know love," she said.
"Oh what do they know," she said.
"I just want to heal," she said.
Did you ever consider where words go when forced back where they came from?
Millions met their dead end fate for 18 years.
It will take another 18 for them to find their way out again.
So many things to say
And the one thing she wants to scream is, "FUCK!"
"FUCK YOU, FATHER for the father you never were!"
"FUCK YOU, FATHER for endless broken hearts!"
"FUCK YOU, FATHER for my insecurities and fears!
I stand up to them anyway!"
"FUCK YOU, FATHER for ever making
me feel less than WonderFull, Magical, PowerFull, and Free!"
"FUCK YOU, FATHER for me not ever having said any of this to you!"
I said I was bigger. I am.
But "FUCK YOU anyway, FATHER! I deserved better by you."
Right from the canal you marked me for death.
Yet I denied your satisfaction.
Turns out it wasn't inoperable.
I got three words for that: WHAT THE FUCK!
You promised me failure.
Not once did I live down to your expectations.
You said once I was your gorgeous daughter.
Gorgeous I am, yours I never have been, and daughter only to a one woman army - no weapon in hand, but a strong mind and an indomitable will to survive.
Quick on the comeback I'm the kid who never let you beat the life out of me.
Funny I heard cancer came for you. Funny I'm not surprised.
A father should know that which he sows he reaps in this life and the next.
"FUCK YOU, FATHER I've learned better than to let you linger in my head!"
Thirty four years and thriving.
It seems not so long ago a young woman counted the days until she'd be free of your terror.
All I can say now is THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, FATHER for the pain.
It's cuts made deeper joys and gratitude.
I love my life.
I love every maddening, magical moment of my life.
King Kong himself couldn't shit on my parade.
And this year I do it all.
This year I paint my masterpiece.
This year I speak my song.
This year I spread my wings.
This year I get a cat.
This year I fall head over heels in love with every breath I take.
This year I'm not hiding.
This year I'm free.
Some call that a miracle.
I call it Magic with a capital Ally.
I'm not my mistakes or my experiences.
I am Woman.
I am all that I endure.
I am the beauty I create.
I am Woman.
Watch me defy greater odds than numbers count.
I offer this, my gift to all of you.
It's not difficult to know love unless love is what you've never known.
LOVE NEVER makes you feel like less.
LOVE NEVER tells you what you are lacking.
LOVE NEVER destroys.
LOVE fills your cracks.
LOVE heals your hurt.
LOVE gives you wings.
LOVE is everything that makes you feel FULL: BeautiFULL, WonderFULL, PowerFULL, JoyFULL.
Never accept less, for less is not what you deserve.
Knowing the difference between the two is how you Mind the Gap.
To one who healed a million broken hearts: In two nights you showed me more love than I've known in my entire life. I hope you see this. Cause I want you to Be My Valentine. ❤️
I'm Shelly Elliott.
They call me The Real Beavie Wonder.
Find me on Instagram @therealbeaviewonder and check out my latest project an illustrated story to help both children and adults strengthen their minds against the naysaying of bullies. Globally it is now more common to come from a family statistics qualify as disturbed.
A book like mine is much needed.
My mission in life is to create a momentum in the other direction.
There is no place and no one not affected by bullies. If you do one thing, please share my story and find me on Instagram. Thank you. 😊
PS The word FUCK is psychologically proven to heal. I advocate more Women know their worth (men too) and use FUCK when it's merit is necessary.
Sent from my iPhone
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Below are the books I've written so far.
An illustrated children's book about the life and death of Tutankhamun. This book was chosen for the "King Tut - Treasures of the Golden Pharaoh" tour that travels the world (10 cities) starting in March 2018 (Los Angeles > Paris > London > Sydney)